18 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Move To Pennsylvania
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Beth Price-Williams
Author
As you finish wrapping Christmas presents, baking cookies, and prepare to welcome out-of-state friends and family to Pennsylvania, your mind just might wander to how you’re going to deal with all of those out-of-staters utterly falling in love with PA and wanting to move here. Here are 18 reasons no one should ever move to Pennsylvania – pretty good arguments you can use just about any time, including this holiday season.
PA is just so utterly boring. Amusement parks, museums, state parks, caverns, homemade food, international markets, lawnmower races, professional sports teams...sigh. If only we had something to do.
We look wistfully at New York City and other cultural hubs as we visit the Andy Warhol Museum, stroll through Gettysburg National Military Park, and take in a show at the Kimmel Center in Philadelphia.
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Scrapple. Shoofly pie. TastyKake. It's pure PA.
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Really, what is there to see as you explore Pennsylvania? Who really likes gushing waterfalls anyway?
Or clear lakes with the clouds reflecting off of the water?
Or enchanting small towns like South Renovo?
And, forget the covered bridges that dot the landscape. What a snooze.
Even if you're driving the speed limit, you're not going fast enough for us in PA.
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We spend years honing our deer dodging skills.
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After all, there's so very little to do in the outdoors in PA. Unless, of course, you count snow tubing, skiing, swimming, hiking, horseback riding, and visiting state parks.
It's not like everyone in PA is in front of the television on football Sunday...oh, wait.
So, we all have the same frizzy do in the summer and there's not much we can do about it.
If only there was a sprawling beach overlooking the water, like Presque Isle in Erie, we wouldn't have to drive to Maryland or fly to Florida to get our beach fix.
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Can't you just feel your throat clog looking a the polluted Philly skyline?
That's right. Two big cities and a big sprawling mass of nothing in between. Small charming towns are just something we read about in books and see on TV.
You can really only succeed in Pennsylvania if you, well, leave. Surely Mister Rogers and Andrew Carnegie were only flukes, right? (A non-native, Carnegie actually came to Pennsylvania to amass his fortune.)
Pennsylvanians sure haven't added much to progression unless, of course, you consider Benjamin Franklin, who invented biofocals and the odometer; Jonas Salk who created the polio vaccine; and George Ferris who gave us the Ferris Wheel. Oh, and that's just the start...
If you are born in or move to PA, you will never ever get out because, well, you won't want to leave. But, really is that such a bad thing?
These are just some of the reasons no one should ever move to Pennsylvania which is no surprise because living in Pennsylvania pretty much ruins you for life.
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