14 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Move To Cincinnati
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Andrea Limke
Author
Cincinnati has made quite a few lists recently, naming it one of the best places to visit and live in the country. Our love for Cincinnati runs deep, but of course it does have its downfalls. If you’ve lived in Cincinnati your entire life (as many Cincinnatians tend to do), or if you’re thinking of relocating, check out this list of 14 reasons why you should never, ever move to Cincinnati… and hopefully one of them a sense of humor! (wink, wink)
Andrea Limke/Only In Your State
Snow in the spring, 70s in the winter... as the saying goes, if you don't like the weather in Cincinnati, just wait until tomorrow. We do get all four seasons, which is nice, they just don't always follow the calendar as they should!
With all the ups and downs in the weather and our position in a valley, Cincinnati may as well be known as the land of allergies. Many Cincinnatians keep an ENT on speed dial for sinus issues.
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You can go away for a few years, come back, and find a neighborhood may be completely transformed. That definitely was the case with OTR. Smale Riverfront Park and The Banks are more examples, having completely transformed a stretch of downtown. Not to mention all of the new structures, restaurants, sports teams, and reinventions of historic buildings happening all over the city.
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As much as things are always changing, Cincinnati is deep-rooted in tradition. Make plans for watching the famous WEBN Fireworks Labor Day Weekend, call in sick for work the day of the Opening Day Parade, and visit the Festival of Lights at the zoo around Christmas. All of the special events around here can be exhausting.
If you move to Cincinnati, I hate to break it to you: we don't win a lot of championships around here. We've had a good year here and there, but overall, we've started to accept the status quo. But that doesn't mean we don't (hopelessly) love our Bengals and Reds. If you only base your fandom on wins, Cincinnati might not be the place for you.
It's a good thing we have tons of amazing parks in which to get some exercise, because Cincinnati is home to some really, really good food. Of course there's Graeter's, Skyline, and LaRosa's, but that is just the beginning of what our city has to offer in the food world. You'll be tempted to try them all (multiple times), and it's not always a diet-friendly way to dine.
This photo so perfectly shows Cincinnati's beautiful downtown, bathed in light, with two very distinctive sides flanking it: west and east. Now it's not quite that divided (or is it?), but most people who move to the city do tend to prefer either west or east. Or you could just choose downtown and avoid this dilemma altogether!
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If you love beer, then Cincinnati is either the perfect spot for you, or it will give you a major "fear of missing out" as you attempt to keep up with the rapidly growing local brewing scene. There are a few mainstays that have been popular for years, but you could spend each weekend at a new local brewery and be occupied for months.
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We do things like dress up wiener dogs and race them. We dress ourselves up like flying pigs and run through the streets. We've also been known to put chili on top of our spaghetti! Things just get weird around here.
In addition to the general weirdness, Cincinnati can get a little rowdy, especially when celebrating events like Reds Opening Day and this past year's Blink. Parades and festivals in general are a good time in Cincinnati, but if you don't like that kind of lively activity, this may not be the best city for you.
Every city has its disagreements, right? Cincinnati does too, including the love/hate relationship with the streetcar and where our (potentially) new major league soccer team should build a stadium. Oh, and then there's Marvin Lewis (ok, we may all agree on this one by now). Can we just agree to disagree?
Photo Courtesy of Ainslie Gordon
Thanks to Cincinnati's baby hippo sweetheart, Fiona, you must like hippos to a nearly unreasonable extent. Sporting official Fiona gear gives you bonus points. Spending hours each day looking at photos and videos of her may also occur. She's just that adorable.
Okay, we don't really like them, but they always seem to be happening around town. The minute one road construction project finishes, another starts right up nearby. And don't even get us started if the bridge ever gets rebuilt.
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After all of these reasons to never, ever move to Cincinnati, then why would you choose to never leave? Because despite its difficulties, Cincinnati is a beautiful place to live filled with friendly, passionate people. These quirks just make our city that much more appealing!
Of course, we are having a bit of tongue-in-cheek fun with this list, because we think Cincinnati is the perfect place to move to and live! But let’s be honest – if you could warn anyone who is about to move to Cincinnati, what would you tell them? Let us know in the comments!
If you’d like to see some photos of Cincinnati that will make you want to move here, check out our previous article here.
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