15 Reasons Why You Should Never, Ever Move To Baltimore
By Jamie Alvarenga
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Published September 07, 2017
Baltimoreans may be used to the following things (and even love them), but it’s difficult for out-of-towners to understand just how amazing Charm City life really is. We’ve heard all the complaints about Baltimore but we’ve flipped the script to bring you this list of cheeky reasons to never, ever move here. It’s horrible 😉
1. You'll develop an unhealthy habit to this.
The addiction happens quick and it's hard to kick the habit.
2. And good luck avoiding sugar.
This is the food of the devil.
3. There's nothing to see here.
What a puny view.
4. The buildings are so ordinary .
Yawn.
5. Say goodbye to gorgeous green spaces.
I'll stay indoors, thanks.
6. There's nothing to do here.
What do tourists even come here for?
7. The food is disgusting.
A cake made of crab just sounds wrong.
8. The holiday season is just so blah.
The bright lights hurt my eyes.
9. Winning gets old.
Being this good is such a burden.
10. Water views are a bore.
I prefer to keep my water in a cup, thanks.
11. Ugh. Talk about light pollution.
Nighttime at the harbor is too beautiful. It makes me uncomfortable.
12. I bet nothing important even happened here.
Star Spangled WHAT?!
13. Shouting "O!" so loudly is sure to ruin vocal chords.
It's dangerous and irresponsible.
14. There are too many festivals. It's overwhelming.
Who do all these people think they are celebrating things?
15. Baltimore is just the worst.
Avoid at all costs.
Never move to Baltimore. It’ll ruin you for life.
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