12 Things Longtime Arkansans Wish They Could Tell Newcomers
By J.B. VanDyke|Published June 26, 2017
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J.B. VanDyke
Author
J.B. Weisenfels has lived in rural Arkansas for three decades. She is a writer, a mom, and a graduate student. She is also an avid collector of tacky fish whatnots, slightly chipped teapots, and other old things. In her spare time she enjoys driving to the nearest creek to sit a while. If you were to visit her, she'd try to feed you cornbread.
As much as Arkansans want to be the most warm and welcoming people in the world, we maybe have a little attitude about folks moving to our state. There has to be a happy medium between being excited to share our love of the Natural State and being endlessly frustrated by the things we find less than appealing about newcomers, right? I propose a solution. Let’s send this list of a dozen things we wish we could say to newcomers to our new neighbors. That way, we can stay polite about the things we’d never really say to anyone anyway and still get the point across.
If you’d be embarrassed to tell that one joke you know about Arkansans to your granny, you ought to think twice about telling it to an Arkansan. We’re not amused.
No one has an ulterior motive for letting you cut the line in Walmart to pay for your single gallon of milk. I promise. Go ahead. No one is going to stab you or ask for your firstborn as payment. We will not, as the grannies say, "take it out of your hide." We’re just nice.
8. Maybe rethink that cuss word you’re about to say loudly and in public.
Don’t get me wrong, some of us can cuss up a storm under the right circumstances, but we’d rather not have to explain that word to our children . . . or mammaw.
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9. Arkansas is the most beautiful place in the world.
You moved here for a job or school? Great! I’m so glad you’re here! How’s your job or school going? So happy to hear that!
See, that’s how our side of the conversation should look. Pictured: our faces when you go on and on about chicken houses or your boredom with rural life.
So you’ve decided to call the Natural State home. We’re glad you’re here, and we’re happy to help you out however we can. Having said that, if you could please review items 1-11 on this list before you come over for dinner, that would be great.
