15 Pieces Of Advice Every Arkansan Has Received At Least Once
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J.B. VanDyke
Author
I’m willing to bet that the one thing every human being has in their life is someone, or a whole load of someones, who gives them unnecessary advice. Arkansas is no different, except that some of our methods of advice-giving are a bit more colorful than the average “helpful” suggestion. From the painfully obvious to adorable grandma-isms, here are 15 pieces of advice every Arkansan has received at least once.
Y’all see how I avoided the mild cuss in that one? My grandmother tells me this every time I get angry.
But what if I’m angry because my spouse won’t stop stealing the covers? What am I supposed to do with my feelings then?
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Oh, really? Because I thought I’d wear a sign inviting mosquitoes and ticks to feast upon my tender flesh.
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But what if I want a leather purse? Who wants a silk purse anyway? So impractical.
Well, honey, I’ve been living here since I was four months old. So maybe I already knew Arkansas weather is unpredictable. After all, the picture above was taken in Fayetteville in May of 2013.
But what about my idea though? Does it have traction? Also, you don’t know my dog. He’s a good boy. Yes he is. He’s a good boy. He’s the best hunting boy in the whole world. Yes he is.
Yes ma’am is the only appropriate response to this advice. She is serious, friends. Don’t cross Mama when she’s in this state of mind.
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I’m sorry. I’ll restrict my peeing to the bathroom.
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Well, duh. That "if the creek don’t rise" thing is true in the Natural State, and yet every year lots of people lose their cars and threaten their lives by trying to drive through high water.
This one is just true.
We don’t have snow very often, so we really do have to remind our children of this simple piece of advice.
The person giving you this advice is usually right.
This one just sounds like a statement of fact, but it really is advice. It means you better shape up or start running, friend.
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No matter your weight, most Arkansans have a grandmother who at one point in their childhoods thought they were too skinny. Though it’s not nice to say that kind of thing to a kid, telling someone to eat cornbread is generally good advice.
Translation: Honey, you are 700% wrong and probably a dummy too, bless your heart.
For things all Arkansans heard growing up, click here. To find out why Arkansans are obviously the best, try this one.
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